What to Make of the World Right Now

We're living in a pandemic. This isn't information that any of us don't already know. It's a fact. We've all adjusted to our "new normal". This means staying indoors, reading books, coloring, working on puzzles, and binge-watching the latest shows. For a lot of us, this means learning how to work from home in careers that are ill-equipped to do so.

As a teacher, I'm constantly missing my kiddos. Today marks the first day of the 4th Quarter. This was supposed to be our time to celebrate the 5th graders making it through elementary school and moving onto jr. high. It was supposed to be a time of me constantly feeling nostalgic (though truthfully I've felt this way all year) because I've had my kids for the past two years. I thought about how far we've come from the first day of 4th Grade to now-the end of 5th. I was already gearing up for the speech I was going to give them on the last day of school. To tell them, through tears, how much I've loved being their teacher. Now I sit here wondering if I will ever have that opportunity. Do my students know how much they are loved? Have I been as patient as I could have been with them? The thought of not being back in the classroom until September terrifies me. As I've mentioned before, I feel like the best version of myself when I am teaching. So what is an extroverted introvert to do when the classroom setting gets stripped away?

This time is scary, there is no denying that. We have health professionals risking their health and well-being each day to ensure our safety. We have grocery store employees working tirelessly to ensure that we have enough food and supplies to last us through this time of uncertainty. We have so many of us who have no choice but to sit at home. We wait, we wonder, we worry. When will this unprecedented time come to an end? When is the next time we will get to go out to eat, to go to the movies, to the park, to one another's homes? When is the next time we get to see the people that we love in person? The unknown is the scariest part for me.

You can't help but think of the people who are having big moments taken away from them. Those graduating, going to prom, getting married, celebrating vacations, and so many more moments. To the kids graduating elementary school, middle school, high school, college, graduate school, and other programs- I am so sorry that you won't have the opportunity to walk across the stage, wave to your families, and receive your diploma. As hard as it is to come to terms with, please know that the lack of these ceremonies DO NOT take away from your hard work and accomplishments! You have every right to grieve that loss, but you also have every right to be proud of yourselves and celebrate! So put on that cap and gown, that beautiful dress, those sunglasses, and when you do have the opportunity, capture those moments. They are even more significant than the ceremonies themselves, and you will look back years from now and appreciate that you celebrated your victories. You deserve it! Know that I, whether we are strangers or best friends, am extremely proud of you!

This time of quiet, calm contemplation has also been very cathartic for me. It's given me the opportunity to take a step back. I've gained a new appreciation for the little things. The sunshine, cuddles with my cat, the opportunity to read for pleasure, listening to music, having time to cook, and so many more things that I most definitely took for granted prior to this pandemic. There are silver linings in these clouds! If anything, I am certain that this will give us a greater appreciation for the things we are missing out on right now. Those freedoms WILL return, hopefully sooner than later. Until then, rely on your people! Reach out to your family members, friends, and acquaintances. Let them know that, in this time of physical isolation, we are never alone.

I am so appreciative of those of you who read this blog post. Know that I am always here to chat with each and every one of you! I would love to smile, giggle, share jokes and memories, or even watch shows with you virtually. We are in this together!

I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy! Know that I am sending much love to each and every one of you! We've got this!

Hello 2020!

I recently had a difficult conversation with a family member. While they weren’t words that I was prepared to hear, they helped me to come to terms with something: Am I happy with the way that I’m living my life? This is a question that I ponder daily (hourly some days!). I could probably spend eternity thinking about it! 

Do I laugh every single day? Absolutely. Do I have a job that I love? Completely. Professionally, I am so so happy with where I am. I come into the classroom and feel confident that I’ve built solid connections with my students and coworkers. My classroom is where I feel like the best version of myself. 

But when I come home, I turn to social media. I get sucked into this never-ending vortex of people. Childhood friends getting engaged and planning their weddings, family members travelling to warm and exotic places, people who I’ve drifted apart from living their seemingly incredible lives. All people who are enjoying the big moments are are excited to share them. And who can blame them?! I know I’m 10000000% guilty of this. I give my “followers” a small snippet of my life and allude to the idea that it’s so seamless. When the reality of life is so complex.

Social media is amazing in some ways. There are accounts dedicated to building others up with words of wisdom. There are accounts showing small acts of kindness. And who doesn’t enjoy keeping up with people you otherwise wouldn’t? But it’s also toxic. I can’t help but compare my life to the lives that I see full of amazing geotags, cute couples, and beautiful people.

I’m an incredibly nostalgic person, and I often reflect on “the good old days”. When I was in high school, I thought about how much easier life was when I carried my brown bag lunch to the school cafeteria and spent hours creating dances to songs like “Barbie Girl” and “Upside Down”.  When I was in college, I missed hanging out with my best friends after musical practice, having slumber parties, and going on joy rides to Target. It stung so much to see them living their incredible lives in college while I felt like I was lagging behind. And now, as a young adult, I long for the moments of laughing in dorm rooms, and hanging out in my first apartment with my roommates. Even now, it feels like people I used to spend tons of time with are living a much fuller, exciting, and happier life than I am. 

A minute ago I was five years old and fighting for camera time with my two sisters singing “Part of Your World” in my pink sequin dress and plastic high heels. I blinked and both of them are so happy and in love, and I know that we’ll never be able to go back to that time in our lives. 

A minute ago I was jumping on my trampoline with friends during the warm summer nights. I blinked and remembered that, with life’s complexities, we barely see each other anymore.

A minute ago I was graduating from college and feeling so joyful. I blinked and remembered that as incredible and amazing as college was, nothing can prepare you for the loneliness of early adulthood.

Don’t get me wrong- I know that I have a wonderful life. There are so many more beautiful moments in this world than there are ugly, and they need to be soaked in and appreciated for what they are.

I’ve spent so much of my life worrying about what people think of me. Am I laughing too loud? Am I talking too much? Am I not talking enough? What does she have that I don’t have? Why am I not enough? 

2020 is the year I actually take the time to focus on self-love. To make my needs a priority. To make changes because I want them, and not because someone told me to. To live less fearfully.

So am I happy with the way that I’m living my life? Yes. And no. It’s a process and a journey that I’m working on. It’s not perfect but it’s my own. And that’s all I can ask for. 

Wishing everyone much love, peace, and happiness in 2020!

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Everybody likes a good quote right? I know I do.I’ve always been a big fan of inspirational quotesand cliches. Things that I wholeheartedly felt I related to at the time. Maybe it was a song lyric, a bumper sticker, something someone shared on Instagram, etc.

 This one seems to ring true every May: “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

 Yes, it’s from Winnie the Pooh, and yes I probably searched “sentimental goodbye quotes” one day and stumbled upon it. The truth of it hasn’t worn off. This past year brought a lot of changes. Doesn’t every year? But the magnitude of changes seem to hit mehard around this time. 

Maybe it’s because I got involved in theater again. I helped with a school production with some other wonderful people, and I had more fun than I ever imagined that I would. Seeing the kids progress, become more comfortable in their roles, and grow closer as a cast truly warmed my heart and took me back to my high school theater days. Or maybe it’s seeing all of the college graduation caps and immediately taking myself back to that day, with the bittersweet reminder that my life will never be that carefree. Or is it that school is almost out and I’m sad to notsee those sweet kiddos for a few months.

And this isn’t to bum anyone out (although I am taking suggestions for a good tearjerker), but it’s important to reflect on why I feel the way that I do. As hard as it is to close the door on those parts of life, I have to believe that other doors will open soon. Feeling this way, as sad as it feels currently, is actually a good thing because I would feel differently having no involvement at all. Each experience shapes us as people, sometimes for better, sometimes not. But I’d like to believe that at the end of the day, we grow. 

So cherish those moments with the people you love. Share your passions, laugh with old friends, watch home videos, smile a little more and remember that each day, in its own way, is a gift. The “see you laters” will turn into new “hellos” soon enough. 

I’m thankful for the start of all adventures.

Here’s to the Teachers

This past October, I was at a teaching conference and saw a teacher that had a great impact on me as a child. I wrestled with the idea of going up to her to say hello or not. What if she didn’t remember me or recognize me? I quickly snappedmyself out of it and put myself in her place. If I were her, would I appreciate someone coming up to me to say hello? Without hesitating, I knew the answer.

I’ve been fortunate to have incredible teachers throughout my life. My kindergarten teacher showed us that lmnop were actually five different letters, not one long one. My fourth grade teacher taught us responsibility and accountability. My sixth grade teacher treated us like people, not ignorant kids. My high school theater director shared hispassion with us and got us so excited to perform. In college, my education professor taught us to make every moment memorable with our students. When I was a student teacher, my cooperating teacher supported me every step of the wayand allowed me to develop my own teaching style. My first year of teaching was MESSY and I had incredibles colleagues to vent to, rely on, and learn from. Each experience has allowed me to grow professionally and as a person, and to thosepeople, I cannot thank you enough for making me the teacher I am today.

I’d like to think that I make an impact on my students. That I make them feel welcomed, loved, and valued on a daily basis. Will I succeed with that every time? No. But if I can say that I made that effort, that I caught the moment in time where the student confided in me, or finally figured out that super tough math problem, then this is all worth it. Kids are the most resilient people I know. They wear their hearts on their sleeves. They find reasons to laugh on the toughest days. Some days I feel like it’s been decades since I’ve been that elementary student (which it has) and some days I feel like it was just yesterday. Most of the time, it’s a good thing because I can remember the impact of a positive influence and channel it into my daily routine.

Here’s to the teachers who spend your evenings, weekends, and days off brainstorming ways to make your students lives better. Here’s to the teachers who lift one another up in your thoughts, words, and actions. Here’s to the teachers who mold minds and impact those kiddos. They are the reason we do what we do. And you never know when that student will come back in your life and tell you how much your time with them meant. And if no one has said it to you lately, THANKYOU! Your hard work and dedication does not go unnoticed, and you are loved and appreciated!

As nervous as I felt to say thank you to that teacher that day, I did. I told her that I loved being in her class, and that she was one of my favorite teachers. It’s been 13 years since I was her student, and the impact of her class has stuck with me. So please show your favorite teacher some love and say thank you! It means more than you could ever imagine! 

Happy Teacher Appreciation Week!

I Know the Heart of Life is Good

The last time I wrote on here, I described my time studying abroad in Ireland. Today I write to talkabout life. I am by no means up to the level of expertise of “Dear Abby”. But a few days ago, a good friend of mine encouraged me to journal. In some ways, this can be a form of that. If anything, I want this to be a place of vulnerability, positivity, and relability. 

The truth is that this time a year ago I was in a bad place. I was hurting from things out of my control and my anxiety was at an all time high. I was getting ready to leave my first job in a few months. I was leaving a city that I loved exploring. I was having to say goodbye to many people whogot me through my first two years of adulthood. And I was terrified. What if moving back home didn’t fix anything? Why did it feel like I was starting all over again? But what I knew was that I couldn’t continue feeling the way that I was feeling. Something needed to change. 

Fast forward to today with a feeling that I have above everything else: Gratitude. I’m currently reading a book to my students about a girl who tragically loses her parents. This small group of people work together to help her heal and make her life manageable. At the part where we left off today, she had just announced to this group, “I just want to say thank you for all that you’ve done for me”. Sure, this is fiction. But her words rang true and struck a chord within. How often do we truly say thank you to the people who have helped us? Yes, it’s awkward and easier said than done. But it got me reflecting on why I chose my career path: to make an impact. 

It’s clear and simple, but my goal has always been to leave this place a little better than when I found it. If I can impact one student, one friend, one family member, one person reading this, shouldn’t that be enough? Rather than focusing on the magnitude of likes on a picture or whether or not this person has a seemingly better life than mine, why can’t it be enough to focus on the magnitude of how someone felt loved, heard, and appreciated by me? 

So today I’ll start with just a small list of who I’m grateful for.

Thank you to my Mom and Dad who have truly sacrificed and dedicated their lives to making their children feel empowered, loved, and safe.

Thank you to my three sibilings, who have mademe laugh, cry, vent, offered advice, and are really just the best friends I could ask for.

Thank you to my extended family of strong, hard-working, passionate people. You influence me daily and I’m thankful to know you.

Thank you to my best friends. The first few yearsof adulthood aren’t easy, and we may have fallen out of touch for a while, but the way we’ve been able to seamlessly pick up where we left off has been so incredibly meaningful to me.

Thank you to past and present coworkers . Your patience, guidance, and professionalism during my first three years of adulthood has been immensely helpful. I would not be the teacher that I am today without you.

Finally, thank you to those reading. If you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for your time and attention to these words. It’s been so therapeutic to write them, and knowing that it could potentially impact someone reading this gives me true joy.

Thank you.

It's not goodbye, it's see you later

So sorry I haven't had the chance to blog for the past six weeks. We all know how crazy the end of the year gets but I can tell you that I had three more amazing trips: Kerry, Rome, and Edinburgh. Maybe I will blog about them when I get home but for now, a recap of my abroad experience.

I'm at the airport now, having arrived super early (never hurts right?). I cannot fathom how quickly this semester has past and how absolutely incredible it was. A year ago if someone had told me that I'd spend the second half of my sophomore year in Dublin, Ireland, I never would have believed it. Colleen came back last spring from her study abroad experience in Galway and the first thing she said to me was "You don't have a choice, you ARE studying abroad". Yet for some reason, I was hesitant.

I'd never been that far away from my family before. When I explained to my mom my concerns about being far away I said "You know how I'm kind of a homebody?" and she said "No?" Typical that she knows me better than I know myself. It's true that I like to be close to my family and loved ones as much as I can. Yet something inside of me knew that I owed this to myself.

My application was not completed until about two days before the deadline, so it was sort of a rushed decision. I was told that the program at UCD was pretty competitive and that I should have a backup. I knew that I really wanted to go to Dublin. I worked hard on my personal statement, and knew in my heart that this was the place that I belonged.

Soon enough, my acceptance was announced and it still didn't seem real. Marquette had been my home for the past year and a half and I loved it. How could I leave? I have so many amazing and incredible people at home. But the looks on their faces were nothing but excitement for me and my experience. Somehow they knew going abroad was going to change me for the better.

In the days leading up to my departure, I was incredibly nervous. It was still unreal to me. Yet the night before I left, I had an overwhelming sense of calmness. Somehow I knew that everything was going to work out. I remember writing in my journal on the plane ride there that I hoped that this experience would help me gain a greater appreciation for life. Little did I know...

After 18 weeks in this incredible country, I have learned so much about myself, others, and the world. Taking this experience and using it to challenge yourself to take advantage of new experiences is only the root of studying abroad. It's one of those things where you probably won't understand it entirely unless you've experienced it. This will always be one of the greatest joys of my life.

I want to thank so many people for their unconditional support. Your kind words, prayers, and love have sent me so far. I couldn't have done it without you. As hard as it is for me to leave, you all make it so easy to want to come home. I am so blessed and have so much to look forward to this summer. I get to celebrate with my newly college graduated sister (YAY COLL I'M SO PROUD OF YOU), I get to see my family and friends, and welcome a new member to our clan at my brother's wedding. There is so much to be thankful for.

Though I'll miss this experience more than anything when I'm home, I know that only signifies just how special these four months were. I challenged myself in so many ways and saw each day as a blessing. Though I was 3000 miles away, you all kept in touch and I can't even express how much that meant to me. So thank you thank you thank you! Saying goodbye to my UCD friends was incredibly difficult. Yet, I'm not worried that we won't stay in touch. We kept saying "It's not goodbye, it's see you later" As cheesy as that sounds, it's true. I know that I've made lifelong friends that will forever hold a special place in my heart. So thank you to those of who who made my abroad experience what it was. Slainte!

Well I'm about to go to my gate, but I just wanted to take a few minutes to say thank you. I can't wait to see everyone this summer. I'm ready to continue my journey through this crazy thing that we call life. And I couldn't be happier about it. So here's to you, Dublin. Thank you for everything.

Onward and Upward!

Week 11 Update!

WOW. Saying that I'm in "week 11 of 18" is absolutely insane to me. Where is the time going?! I'm already signing up for farewell dinners and receiving my final exam schedules. Wahhh. But, Happy April everyone! Well, this week has been really calm and after spring break craziness and trying to adjust back into the swing of school last week, I am thankful for this one! This past weekend, Abby, Ellie and I had a cute little movie night. It was your stereotypical girls night, complete with nail polish, wine, pizza, and 10 things I hate about you. As you get older, it seems like these things come around much less frequently. So I was really thankful for it! It was definitely something I needed when I wasn't feeling 100%. The good news is I now feel physically fine! I'm just very tired all the time. I promise I am getting adequate sleep! I think it;s just that time of year when you are exhausted from being in school and spring break is such a tease! You get a little taste of summer and then you are thrown back in the swing of things! So I think with that in mind, I have been a little homesick lately! Ughh why do I have to have such wonderful people in my life that I miss?! Haha just kidding, you guys are the best! And I know that the time here will continue to fly and one day I will be homesick for this lovely city!

So, a few things happened this week! Monday, we received our final exam schedule. Unlike Marquette's, UCD's exams span over two weeks. The good news is that mine are completely spread out, so I'll have a good amount of time to spend studying for all five. The bad news is that EXAMS ARE COMING UP! The oh so dreaded exams... I know it will all be okay. I've taken exams for years and years, but it doesn't mean that they aren't stressful. However, I've heard that the weather here starts to get warmer around the beginning of May, so that means I can study outside! When it comes to studying, I'd much rather be outside than stuck in a room. I've LOVED daylight savings time here! It stays light out until after 8:00! Yayyy! Such a sign of Spring/Summer I love it!!!! 

Monday night I went out to a comedy show with my friends Brittany, Mike, and Grace. It was really fun! It's always fun to try something new. We were afraid they would pick on us Americans, and with good reason! There were four comedians, and each one asked us many questions, but all in good fun! It was a really nice time. And if that weren't enough, I came home to find a big yellow envelope in my room. What could it be but letters from my favorite people at Marquette. They wanted to do something special for me for my birthday, and decided to write me such lovely letters. Last Spring, I remember having a great conversation with one of my best friends, Emily Harrington/ Cakes, about the power of letters. We both agreed that they truly make such an incredible impact on a person. Just a few kind words go a long way. And so I truly want to thank Emily, Claire, Megan, Maggie, Bernadette, Colleen, Meg, Allie, and Allie (Yes, I have TWO lovely Allie's in my life!) It could not have come at a better time and I am so appreciative of you all! So, I would encourage everyone to write a letter to someone you love this week. Whether it's a quick note saying have a good day, or a birthday letter, it makes such a difference! My mom and I usually message each other a few times a week telling each other to have a great day and know that we are loved! As much as we don't want to admit it, we need that reminder every once in a while. So to you, my blog readers, I say thank you so much for continuing to join me on this crazy journey and I appreciate you all so much!

Tuesday I registered for classes this upcoming fall semester. I'm going to be a JUNIOR? What? Sometimes I still feel like a high schooler. I am really excited for them and to continue on my path to become an educator! I've missed taking Ed. classes a lot and look forward to see what this new batch brings, even though they are night classes (what?!). That will be an adjustment for me, but it's something that I need to do in order to take the courses, so it will all be worth it in a few years! A few years ago, my friend Meredith gave me a ring that says "I promise to take things a day at a time" and that definitely remains and will continue to be my motto. So, here's to the future and here's to right now!

That's about it from this end! Really looking forward to my Kerry trip this weekend! Definitely ready to see more of this gorgeous country. As I've said before, I'm headed to ROME over Easter, which I know will be truly beautiful! Andddd drumroll please..... I booked another trip! I had a feeling I would ;]. I can't seem to get enough of this continent. So, the final trip will be to EDINBURGH YAYYY!!!! I am so excited for that, I have heard nothing but amazing things about it! I am going with Ellie, Brittany, Grace, and a few of their friends during the last few days of April. We found super cheap flight tickets and decided it was a opportunity that had to be seized! It's so amazing that I've been able to travel to incredibly beautiful places in the past two and a half months. Each day I wake up so thankful for each opportunity I have been blessed with. I am forever grateful for the way this journey has transformed my life. I realized that I did not post pictures from the past month on my last blog post, so I thought I would share some of my favorites now:

Em's first Irish Guinness!

 Hello Powerscourt!

 Birthday dinner with these lovelies!

 Such a BEAUTIFUL view of the Atlantic Coast

 The Amsterdam/ Belgium crew! So much fun!

 Decided to jump on a random statue in Brussels 

 Love these ladies!

 Center of Madrid!

 Retiro Park

 Warsaw Friends

 Lots of roomie love!

 The incredibly gorgeous Prague

Shout out to Vit and Patrik for being great tour guides!

Still finding joy in the ordinary!

Lots and lots of love!